Shadows of the Mind

I opened my Facebook account to have this quote posted on the first line of my newsfeed,

“Worries are just shadows in our minds, there is no truth, reality or principle behind it.

(Joseph Murphy)

Here’s a glimpse to the dark side of my mind.

[start]

Suddenly I just feel like giving up on challenges. You know, when companies write in the job adverts “we look for people who love challenges” it simply means they are looking for people who are willing to spend hours cracking their heads over a major problem. Of course, they might pay you well for it.

Nevertheless, it’s not fun to surround yourself with four walls, a glaring LED screen and piles of books for company hours on end just trying to finish ONE f-ing question. I’m not talking about the whole assignment yet, this is just ONE bloody question of the assignment. A fraction of it and it just seem to fizzle out my brain cells.

If universities have report cards handed out, half the pages would’ve probably be covered in RED ink. First lab report = Fail. First coursework = Almost Fail. First test = Almost Fail. I feel very bad because tertiary education isn’t cheap (my mother forked out GBP14000 just for my first year tuition fees) and if I’m trying to apply for government funding for next year, heck, nobody’s going to give me a scholarship with these kinds of result.

Sometimes I wonder, why am I doing engineering, when I have more flair to study architecture or law? I mean, I love to draw and I love to read. I can read for hours on end without sleeping for a day or two.  Engineering requires you to THINK and after several years of immersing in spoon-fed SPM syllabus, I seem to have lost the ability to do so. Suddenly manipulating information in your brain just ends up being a disaster.

I am not saying Law and Architecture is easier than Engineering courses, I am only stating I have a natural flair for STUDYING both of it. I would have enjoyed the learning process, but I do not think I would do as well as an architect or a lawyer than being an engineer.

It’s a steep, steeeep,  ST E E  E   E    E   E  P learning process.

[end]

I am giving up on worrying. It is taking up too much of the brain’s processing power and it’s RAM.

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2 thoughts on “Shadows of the Mind

  1. don’t worry Nadhirah. Relaax. Doa and sembahyang.

    from experience, u need a downfall to kind of bring u back up again. sometimes u just need that PUSH u know? you’re a very smart girl and me and the rest of yr friends believe in u.

    a lot of people screw up their first year. seriously! biar susah skrg, senang kemudian.

    Take wudhu. And spend some time alone praying. Life is not easy and everyone deserves a time out.

    Be blessed. Things will fall into place.

    1. thanks Sarina 🙂
      that was very meaningful, and guess what, after I prayed three times and about 6 hours of frustration, I found the answer for the question of one of my coursework! well, one part of it. Still good progress anyhoo. Cheers! May Allah bless you too. MUAX!

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